What to do if your romantic partner voted for Trump

You know your partner is the one. You share the same goals, enjoy the same hobbies and they have arranged your coffee order down to the last detail. They’re as perfect as you could hope, but there’s one thing: they voted for Donald Trump in the most recent election.

Fresh off the election results, depending on your side of the political aisle, probably yes was struggling with feelings of sadnessdefeat, sadness and emptiness – something your partner has not understood at all. But if you think more deeply about the consequences of the electionsAre you wondering how your partner, someone you know to be kind, empathetic, and otherwise perfect, could vote for a candidate like Trump?

The feeling is sickening, but this doesn’t seem like enough reason to do that either break up with them. After all, your partner is perfect. So what do you do now?

If this scenario describes your current relationship, you’re not the only woman wondering where to turn: Many women talk about the same feelings online, looking for support and comfort.

Under one TikTok videowrote one commenter: “If anyone thinks of what to do please let me know because all the girls who get mercy and sympathy from their partners crush me inside.” Another wrote: “It’s somewhat comforting to know that other people are in the same situation as me. It just breaks my heart, and I thought I knew him.”

Below, relationship expert Frankie Bashan, PsyD, explains where to go from here.

Experts from this article

Frankie BashanPsyD, is a certified clinical psychologist, relationship coach and dating expert. She is also the CEO of LittleGayBook.com, a personalized matchmaking service.

What to do if your otherwise ‘perfect’ partner voted for Trump

According to Dr. Bashan, it may be in your best interest to accept that everyone has a choice, and that it was your partner’s choice to vote for Trump. “We must allow people to be who they are – we cannot expect them to act, think or behave exactly as we do.” But if you have difficulty accepting this, it may mean that you and your partner do not share the same values.

If you and your partner don’t share the same values ​​– something that’s crucial in relationships – it could mean that you and your partner aren’t as compatible as you thought. If this is the case, you may need to decide how important it is for you to have a partner who is aligned with your political stance.

That said, the decision to vote for Trump goes beyond one’s political stance. In this election, Trump was not just the Republican candidate. That’s him also a convicted felonsomeone who has been accused of sexual abuseand helped lay the foundation for the Overturning Roe v. Wade. When considering your relationship with someone who voted for such a candidate, you must decide whether that is a deal breaker or not.

If it’s not a deal breaker for you, know that it is possible various political differences in your relationship. “You can have different political views but still respect each other’s differences and enjoy each other’s company,” says Dr. Bashan. “But if you judge or criticize each other, or try to convince the other person to think or vote like you, then that is a problem.”

Dr. Bashan encourages you to communicate with your partner about how you feel without criticizing your partner’s choice to vote for Trump. You can respectfully share all the reasons why you chose not to vote for Trump, and why you feel discouraged because your partner did.

She also suggests seeing a relationship therapist or relationship coach. A professional can help you recognize whether these differences are workable or not. “Look at what is most important to you in the relationship, and then ultimately you have to make a choice,” says Dr. Bashan.

Ultimately, Dr. Bashan believes that breaking up is not the solution if the only thing you disagree with your partner on is politics. “If everything else or most things in your life are compatible and there is a lot of love, respect and joy in the relationship, we owe it to ourselves to respect and accept differences. We don’t need our partner to think , feel, and act exactly as we do,” she says.

But it’s also okay if you can’t get past your partner’s decision to vote for Trump. At a time when women’s rights are at stake (among many other dangerous policies), it’s completely right to feel disappointed and even betrayed by your partner’s decision. If your values ​​surrounding this election touch on core beliefs that define who you are and what you stand for, that’s an important sentiment to honor.

Every relationship comes with its own complexities, but by finding clarity about what matters most to you, you can make a choice that feels right. If that means breaking up with your partner – even if it’s over “political differences” – that’s completely valid. You can find a partner with whom you share the same goals, have the same hobbies, who remembers your coffee order and who also didn’t vote for Trump.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance sheet editor at PS, specializing in topics related to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Before joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.